Celebrated aunt's birthday today. After that went to Melrose. And Im so unlucky! Initially, it was just drizzling, so its pretty okay to walk in the rain, I reached the bustop, and was walking to Melrose, then it start to rained so heavily! Like rhinos and hippos! And poor me was like standing in the rain waiting for the people inside to open the gate for me! But thank god, Im smart enough to seek shelter at a nearby tree. But at that point of time, Im already like 80% wet. =[


Met up with Eugene, ZiWei, Kai, and Ben Wong at Marina to have dinner. JiaHui went with me too! Had dinner at KFC. The coleslaw sucks! Its so damn dry! Even mayo also wanna save on. So stingy!


AFter that, went Tom's Palette and have ice-cream! Me and JiaHui shared a large cup of Oreo cheese and Rum and Raisin! It was pretty nice thou! Then, Weng joined us after a while. Then we sat outside some sandwich restaurant and drink, and munch on chips! It was really relaxing! And it was so cooling. Surprisingly, I wasnt a tiny emo at all. Thas good.


Then went home at around 12 plus. Took night rider with Kai and Eugene. The rest took cab.

Had dinner with NUTS. Then after that, went to the playground and chatted for a while, then started raining. So we went to Angel's house and continue chatting.


And we were watching the miracle show. Peihui then suddenly talked about her love life. Thoud Jyap is like a mummy's boy, but at least he still like her until now, and that he is honest and is a nice guy. Geok then say that Ernest is asking to patch with her, but she wants conditions applied. At least he bothers to change for her. Angel? She is the most fortunate one among us. Ken treat her so well, and is a good guy.


Well, what bout me....Honest and faithful..Nothing at all...Maybe he thinks that Im not good enough for him to make a tiny bit of change in him.

Im in sch now! So bored! Weng went to see the GLs do the night walk thing. So Im in the lab now waiting for stupid PCR and stealing some songs from her. My laptop too many emo songs alr! Cannot listen anymore. Or else I will just and kill myself one say.


This morning before coming to sch, I went t change all my songs in the playlist. No more Ryan Cabrera, no more love songs.......Now its all rock and hiphop alr. Back to my sec 4 life again.


Never mind. Cannot be sad anymore. Must be happy now. At least should try. But Im glad! Later meeting the NUTS for dinner at redhill. Miss them so much. So from now onwards, I should go jogging more, jian fei, and if have time should go library and read some books. Enrich my life. Be a gal with substance.

Saw what I saw yesterday. Its really unbelievable. Cant believe what my eyes saw. A leapord never change its spot. True indeed. Im really at a lost now. But I guess its really the final time Im goin to say that Im giving up. And for this time, its real. So much has happened, but I only regret about one thing....I dont think anyone can help me anymore. If only I can turn back time to that day, Im sure it'll be a whole new ending. Blame me on my stupidity.

Its night time again. And the emotions coming again. THink I have to quickly go sleep soon. Or else this whole emotion thing is goin to overcome my current mood. Read her blog. Its sad and angry to see how some guys can take advantage of their gf's love for them. All the beasts out there.


Last time I will only feel sad, but now, its different, I feel so in touch with it. Hate to admit. But yes. It happened to me. It u say its just a bad relationship. Ur utterly wrong. More than that. Smt that almost cost my dear life.


Gotta learn to be smart next time, and open my eyes wide to see whos good and whos not. But at least for now, I know whos not.

Ytd sleep was worse...same as last few days, couldnt sleep...But luckily today my eyes were not swollen, or else need to wear specs again.


Actually, for the past few days, I have been having a phobia of sleeping. Is there such thing like sleeping phobia? lol. I think there is. Lol. So every night I will make myself until very very very tired, or else I will refuse to go to bed. This is damn torturing. But what to do.


Sighs. Getting haunted by bad memories until I cant sleep...


But anyway, today, met up with CJ, Lilian and Michelle (Lilian's friend) for dinner at PS. Had pepper lunch. So filling. Then that stupid tomato still say wanna eat ice-cream. Not scared of fat. Then, wanted to go to that susage stall and take a look at Yam . But in the end decided not to.


Yesterday, had a short chat with Doreen. I really hope she makes the right decision. But since she is choosing the one who loves her more, I think it should be the right choice. Cos most prolly she will be the one basking in happiness. Hur. Further more, Kenny treats gf and respect them more than CK does. Thou CK's temper is better, but doesnt matter.


Meow Sia! U have my blessings! But I think u should give me yours too. Cos I need it much more than u do!

Morning made a wasted trip to sch. Then stayed for a while and went home. After which, went to Albert Court to change my SD card. Rest of the day was out with the NUTS. Feeling damn good now. NUTS rockz everything.


NUTS est. 2004


Apple- The most normal one out of the 6 of us. Also the most fortunate one among all of us.


Cloud- The one who always has the most guys chasing after, even several at the same time.


Fish- ME! Like to eat fish, like to look at fish (main reason why i learn diving!), wanna dive and look for a new species of fish and it will be named JIALING FISH


Goek- Two words. Lazy piggy.


Kite- Has a fetish for MRT. Take bus will die!


Pineapple- Whose laughter can be heard from miles away. Maybe even oceans apart.


Enjoyed hell lot of myself today. Thou only Geok, Pineaapple and apple turn up only. But its more than enough! Love them loads!!!! They really made my day.


Watched STOMP THE YARD at Cathay. It was really nice. Actually wanted to watch MR BEAN, but was sold out. So they bought that instead. Luckily that day didnt watch it with Weng and Gui!


Saw YAM working at a dunno-what-u-call-that sausage sandwich stall at PS basement. I dont know why, but I really feel that something happened to her, and this feeling about her is different. She even wore black thick frame glasses. Weird. She is like a million times more ai mei than me. She will rather die than go out with specs. And she told me that she purposely do that. I just got a feeling some mishap happened to her. Maybe like my case. Lets just hope that Im wrong.


After shopping at Far East, we bought bubbble tea! I got MANGO milktea with jelly. Sinful cup of suger and FATS!


Ken then drove up all back home. Hur. Angel is so fortunate to have him as a bf. A typical xing fu de xiao nu ren. And I can only hope that I have such a life in the future.

U were warned that there is a landmine in front of u by people all around u. Ignored. Yet u step on it, telling urself, it wont blow up. But it really blew up. Leaving u fatally wounded.

We were like machines doing the PCR thing. Like repeating and repeating the same stuff always. Today is much worse than yesterday. Cos its the whole dayyyyyyyyyy......That we both, emo kids....Emo-ed for the whole day.


We realised that for the whole day, all we did is the projecct, and free time? Emo....


Back home was worse, have to put on this fake 'I am so unaffected' face....Even until now.


Actually its only a matter of time that I will realise that some things will never be mine. When I thought I had everything, and was telling myself, Jialing, u are the most fortunate gal in the whole universe. Then, all that I ever had, or all that belonged to me was seized away.


Thats when I realise I was actually dreaming, and now its only reality, like it or not, I still have to face it. And I really wonder, if one day, I will be as fortunate as Angel, or, no...I am not suppose to have a good life...I am not suppose to have someone who will really love and protect me....


For now, I still think its better to believe in the latter. Snap back to reality, u fool...

Went to see doc this morning. Thought thigns are goin to be better. But who knows I went home feeling more down than ever before. After our proj today, I stayed with Weng. We chatted quite a lot. I enjoy the talk. And I thought that I will feel better once I reach home. But then again, the journey back home, is once again, tough, tough and only tough.


Reached home, mum started questioning me. Thats when I know I creally couldnt take it anymore. But still, I tried to hang on for as long as I can.


This is of hanging on really sux. Cos I know it will just explode one fine day. Like when I was at Trial Camp that time. Been suppressing my emotions for like forever, then it just explode like that.


Back again, I couldnt sleep at all. Feeling so tired, but still can get a bit wink of sleep. This kind of feeling really sux. And I swear, that few hrs of endurance-cant make any sound even when ur crying, cant call anyone to talk to u, so many things just gush into ur brain, that u cant even control ur thoughts anymore, cant flip around too much. Cos my mum was sleeping beside me.


Finally, managed to get sleep at 5am. It was a hard struggle.

Went to GLs charity event, helped out at children's home. Had a lot of fun with them. Spent really meaningful time with them. But at the same time, I think some of the kids are quite poor thing.

Anyway, I have decided to go back on voluntary basis to give the kids tuition or some readjing programme. Seeing these kids really reminded me of myself last time. I didnt have a happy childhood. And theirs is not better than mine. I really hope that all of us can give them the love, care and concern that is within our ability.

I believe that all kids should have a happy childhood, cos it affects their future. I experienced that, I understand. Hoping that they will grow up to be responsible and considerate fellow, all of the people around them should teach them the right path. Cos what they lean as the child will be with them throu-out their whole life.

Being a nasty person urself maybe alright for u, but ur irresponsible actions may bring harm to others. So I hope that all the kids can be a benefit to the society instead of a burden to people.

Watching the ren ci charity show now. Seeing how that guy force himself up the rope to a 23 storey high building . He's doin all of these not for himself but for the patients.

Actually there are so many out there fighting for their happiness. Think bout myself. Am I fighting for my happiness now? Or am I just drowning myself in this sorrowness.

I know how to say a lot of things, advice people, but I cant seem to drill anything right into my brain. I was adviced: The former days of sorrow are past, u should be as relaxed as u can now. I understand. But I just cant seem to move on with my life.

Trying to forget everything but its really hard. I believe for everyone should be hard. Esp for me, when everything that belongs to me is now destroyed and missing. Its still tramautic even till today.

And I still cant accept the fact that I have to go thru this phase. Strong as I may seem to be on the outside, but the inside, I have to admit, its as vulnerable as an egg. Thou I refuse to let go, but I guess I have to, cos its the only option I am left with now.

Shattering and shattering, like a piece of glass, which cannot be glued back anymore.

Lazy to update.....Im so tired.....Anyway, just a summary. Under the Canopy of Love aka. Tian Mu Xia De Lian Ren is damn nice. So touching......