Should be enjoying myself at Sentosa yesterday, but I didnt. Its ok. At least I've seen thru smt. I cant change certain things. Its within capabilities, but without determination, there will be no success. I understand. Its his life. Young gals and more. I dont like it. But I cant change it. The only solution is to give up. And find a more suitable bf. Someone who is not like that, and someone who is willling to give in to me. I hope that someone will appear soon, and be my salvation.


I have always thought that he is the one. Even after we broke up. And I used to feel that Im the happiest gal in the world whenever I am with him. I enjoyed myself at the zoo so much, its the best day of my life. He said that he wont hurt me like how my other ex did? But look whats happening now?


I used to be able to accept the lil short-comings bout him. Until I realised that things are not the way I presumed it to be. Only after Dec then I realised a lot of things. I can never imagine him saying that to me. That night, it came ringing in my mind and I couldnt sleep. And that whole chunk of message to my friend. I know it now. I know everything now. But its already too late.


I dont wish to let go. I really hope that I can trust him. But facts are lying in front of me. I have to accept it. I know that I must let go. No matter what. I can only wish that all my other r/s will be better than this.


Its only my wishful thinking that he will change for me, so that we can be together again. Again, its his life. There will be no changes to it. Never. And its been 5 months. But feels like its only yesterday. Im totally crushed.

Limit. To divert is the only solution. Cos Mr Neo will not be able to accept it. Hope this will work out.

all falls down and came crushing. a two-way approach. how cruel. the ultimate attack. hate school.

I know theres no longer any hope for me. So, I can only wish that what comes tomorrow will not be as unbearable as what happened yesterday.


Dogs were whistling a new tune.
Barking at the new moon.
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die...

He has never thought of doin anything for me. He said he has never thought of giving up. Maybe he really never gave up. But he has never tried too. That is call giving up too. He will never do anything for me.

IS this morning.Lawrence is a damn entertaining guy.
Went Clubhouse sleep.
Met PeiHui.
On bus saw Kent.
Drank with her.
J-Yap came.
Went home.Sleep.
Nightmare.Hang-over.
Dinner.TV.Online.


Lost my pencil case. Sad. So suai. Lost so many things.


Maybe not really luck and karma. But more like behaviour and actions.

I feel bad bout it. Sorry.

this sense-less heart of mine. Only feel for the bad but numb for the good. Mess up life.heart.brain.

enjoyment laying hands on gals. as many as possible makes his day.

I met Doreen. I have tons of things to say to her. I dont know how to start. I wanna tell her so much. Like how bad today is. But its not the right place to say. I bumped into Peihui. She is sad too. But I know I am worse. At least she has really close friends with her. This thurs. Drink with her. I hate school. I miss year two. How am I doin to endure the whole year like that. I miss Amanda and Simone and Chawang and CK.. I want back my 2FO3.

Association

fake-ass truth.flirt.physcotic.weirdo.nerd.empty-promises.crude actions.if-i-met-a-better-gal-i-will-go-for-her.young gals and more young gals.cigarrate.no-connection.cant keep the hands off other gals.


First day of school. I will say its not really that refreshing. Since all that sights are nothing but heartaches.


I miss Manda and Simone. Whats with the new classmates. Hates. School saddens me now. No manda no simone no ck no cha-wang. Eccentric classmates. Depressing sights during lunch.


How am i goin to pull thru this whole year.....................Dont tell me my initial decision was right. And this is what it means by time will show?

Rise and Shine

Washed my bags, unpacked. Tidy up the wardrobe.


Good Day

Went town. Actually this morning, i was thinking of getting this pair of earring that i lost during FOC. Surprisingly, I went to this shop, then suddenly thought of getting it. Actually i have forgotten all bout it for the whole day until i went to that shop. Coincidentally, i managed to find that exact same pair. i was so happy. But they told me not buy. Since i lost it, it means that im not fated to have that pair of earring. But I still buy in the end...................(Cont')


The Night Is Still Young

Suppose to go jogging. But I have no feel in the end. Cos by the time i met him, its already damn late. Like 8pm. So we went to have dinner instead. At GWC. Next, talked a lil downstairs. Didnt talk much bout him thou. Was crapping all along. He tried to shake off my thoughts. Feel really comfortable and happy with him.


Home Sweet Home

Was packing my bag, then i realise i lost the pair of new earring again. Was wondering if there is any hidden meaning. If its not fated to be mine, even if i managed to find it, i will still lost it eventually.

Just back from FOC. It was quite a good camp. Thou I didnt enjoy as much as being a gl, but, it was another kind of fun. And Im closer to them than last time, esp the gals. =D


First day, we reached there quite early, but didnt have much things to do. So we put the strings for the tags and played game boy. Then made dummies and had nightwalk recee. We also did a stupid video for Asience beauty and the Shang shan da lao hu vid. But the asience video wasnt very good. The video part was the funniest part of the day.


Second day, rot rot rot rot rot rot and rot for the whole afternoon. After that went to market to have our dinner and get presents for angels and mortals. I got smt for him too. But I dont think he will ever thought of it at all. Rushed back asap for FOC briefing. At night, re-film our Asience video. Me, Jiahui, Jess, Ben Lim and Eugene sat at blk 56 lift lobby and flirted for very long after we finish bathing! It was damn funny, cos we flirted with almost all the freshies or gls that walked past that life lobby.


The funniest part was Jiahui asking the engineering guys which level they are sleeping, and she even told them we are sleeping at level 6. OMG. Cant imagine
stupid Jiahui doin these kind of things. But Im even worse. I told them we will be visiting them later. Muahaha~


After the flirting with them, we went back to sleep. Was quite tired actually, then Kai, Kiap and Peiwen say wanna go outside and chat. I wanted to, but was too tired, so eventually I went to sleep la. At first I couldnt sleep, cos the guys are saying they are goin for thr FID the next day, then I suddenly become very emo. Jiahui also ah. And its only bcos of one common reason.


She was quite ok after JJ went to talk to her. But I was still emoing. Then couldnt really sleep. Then, that smt happened again. So, Jiahui tried to console me. Thanks Chia-hui! =]


First day of FOC! We woke up real late! Like ard 11.30. First time ever in history that we woke up so late for a camp! Seriously. Me and Jiahui went to Beauty World with Wayne and Eugene to do that tag. After which, had breakfast at the hawker centre. The dumpling there is quite nice ah. Just that the skin is too thick. Reminds me of Miss Huang-sern. Hur.


Went back to sch, to have lunch after that! So stupid! Eat so much la! Like a brainless bunch. Do nothing, then eat so much. Actually, its only me and Jiahui that do nothing and eat so much. Hur. The rest were setting up for telematch, then Ron say need buy hose connector and stuff, so the few of us, with Kiap, Kai and Mr Zai-hair -.-'' went Beauty World to buy.


Back to sch, see see look look for a while, then telematch starts. Watched halfway, then went with the food comm people to prepare syrup. At night, was Angels and Devil. Spent like forever to tie the water bombs until my both hands went rotten! Sobz. Then the condition of my shrooms-infested-nails became worse. But enjoy myself during the whole process, cos we wetted and bombed each other until we were so freakin wet. Then it was final showdown!!!!!


Second day, Was at Char Kway Teow for a while. Then went to shooting stars to help tie water bomb again! Arh! Cos yesterday I swore not to touch water bombs again. But I still go and help eventually. =[ Then my hands became rotten for the second time, and this time, its even more pain! sobz.


After lunch, went to walk around every stations. After dinner, was the performance . I missed the dance night again. Helped the gls with the nightwalk. Its really so OMG. During that, was petrolling. But once only la. Was so tired, then I slept at the bench. I lost my torch that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im damn sad bout it! Cos its only the second time I bring it to camp!!!!!!!!!!!! And its $10!!!!! Expensive for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ='[


Third day was Fun day. Early in the morning, everyone drew on me. But they were nice, cos they didnt really draw on my thunder-thighs. Hur. Jess kana more! Poor thing.


AFter Fun day, I collected 3 YELLOW BALLONS!! The ballons are nice cos they are YELLOW! So happy! But I left it at the clubhse nia.... =[


Went for dinner at KAP. And its like at KAP againnnnnn. Wanted to buy the Ginger bread man again at cold storage. But decided not to eventually. Cos its expensive. Then I saw smt. Was so sadded. That smt happened again. So I went outside. Felicia went with me. After that, Weng came out also. Thx pple! Im so touched!!!! Felicia even msg me on the way home!


I quite enjoy the camp!! Got my friends around me! And I wish it could be longer, even thou I didnt have enough rest. But it would be much enjoyable if....

The meeting

I feel that I dont see the love is his eyes anymore.

Ya..I shouldnt look back. I know. From this sun onwards, I shall not look back. But I am still wondering. Why is it that he rather give up on me, instead of cigarette, xiao mei mei and lies. Am I that unimportant to him? Why all my bf treat me like shit...Am I really not worth loving at all? Perhaps Im really worthless...

I think its pretty much official now. Cigarette weighs much heavier than me. I feel that I really made the right decision. Really, its hopeless. I have failed terribly as a girlfriend.