Goin off to Phuket In a few hours time. Will only be back by Sunday night. Finally, diving comes. Have been waiting for this day for my entire life. Should be a good time for me to unwind, and forget bout all my worries.


But useless? Cos it'll all come back to me soon after I reach Spore. Like when I went Bali that time.


Recently, bro said that I should have 'the HaoHong spirit'. But like how? Its so not me. I think I sux. Dont have a heart of gold.


Actually I dont know why Im feeling so depressed all of a sudden. Like dont feel like goin Phuket anymore. Yes. I have a lot of things goin thru my mind. But it shouln't be like that. Cos Im suppose to be happy, since I can finally go dive.


Stupid me. Stupid Geok. Stupid kind gals.

I was at SIM after lesson. She came and look for me. Told me she's sad. And I know straightaway what happened. She gave all that she has, crowned him, how she treated him, is such a far cry from how she treated the other 2. Hoping that they can spend all their time together, now that he's back in Spore, cos he's going back soon. And in the end, he just denied everything. She's left broken, fallen, lost...


Im shocked when I realised she followed my footsteps. Stupid gal.


We are sure he knows what does that mean, when she did that. But yet, he just heartlessly deny everything. Irresponsible freak. Whats the point of looking tall, dark and handsome, but with a cold, black heart?

"I love you. everyday i sleep in the safe knowledge that u r there for me when i open my eyes the next day.. nights my dear"

-extracted from Linda's blog.

I think this was from my brother. Sound quite sweet. But I believe he really mean it, cos I know he's not those kind of guys that will say sweet-nothings to anyone and forget bout it after that. Not like someone...


And I will forever be the one envying people. Back to square one.


Then again, I think Im quite unlucky recently. Kinda made silly mistakes for my Instru paper on Tuesday.

After I get back home, wanted to study for ACMB test, which is on Wed. But was too tired to study. So I slept at 11pm. Wanted to wake up at 4am the next day to study the rest of the 3/4 of it. But guess what, I only woke up at 6.30am, even later than my usual timing to go school. So I studied for like 1/4 or even lesser?


Screwed up ACMB prac test. Totally gone-case.


Today, met up at 10am to do IS ppt. Woke up late again. In a rush, I forgot to bring my laptop battery and keys. How stupid can this be. I brought my damn laptop without the battery. Then went back to grandma's house to get the keys, but bro borrowed it yesterday already! So in the end, I went to do my project, happily, bring my laptop w/o the battery.


Hope the suai-ness can just go away. Like leave me as far as possible. Maybe I will be so unlucky that when I go diving, I'll lost my buddy, and my tank happen to go crazy, then I will be deprived of oxygen, and just die like that. I think its a damn retarded way to die. Not glamorous at all.


Alright. This saturday, Im meeting Pineapple at Bugis to do really impt stuff. Make decision. And its a really really impt decision that change my life. Like, changing my already buang-ed and upside down life back to a normal one, like the past(which I miss so much). Or, changing it to an even more buang-ed life.


Last sat, had a talk with my bro just before lunch. And I dont know why, Its only till that day then I realise how much my life has changed over just a mere 6mths. From a well-organised, simple and nice one to a totally unimaginabally messed up one. Which, I never expect myself, ever, in my entire life, to be in this kind of situation.


All thanks to someone =)

Presenting! My wooden-block dad!!!


Was chatting with Pineapple, so was asking her some cards thing. Then suddenly talked bout future husband. Ok. She started first. Cos she said its not good to have a handsome husband. Have a higher chance and capability to cheat on u next time.


Then she said my dad is quite a husband material. Then reminds of Ken. He is too, even Angel said that........


Honest, faithful, filial, man of his word, give in to my mum, good temper, help with housework, have a stable job, no bad habits like smoking etc, law-abiding, average intelligence(if he is too smart, might cheat on wife!)


Thou he is not gentleman enough, is a wooden-block, not good-looking(but not to the state of ugly according to my mum)..Just ur average looking married man out there. But I beg to differ. A lil fat....Has tummy...Lazy...Refuse to exercise even thou he has time...Balding soon, I believe...


But all these are just minor issues....

If only this is the truth........

Open house today. Slack thruout, cos I was being irresponsible by abondoning my duty and walk around, talking to people. Actually spent most of my time with Sharon and Jiahui. Then after that went to Ivan's booth and sit there, talk to people and watch performance.


I love BingHui's band performance! Cos they sang 'Chasing Cars' and 'Let You Go'. I love chasing cars. How sweet is that song.


Bought a necklace from Ivan. Then after that, went home with Prince Kent after his IAC ppt.


He is so busy. Got a lot of programming stuff to do. I also got a lot of things to do. After the open will be real busy. So I think I wont be meeting him anytime soon anymore. I will miss him one...

Had training today. Hi-light is the journey home. Just 4m away from me. I witness a car accident. How shocking is it can. The car was traveling then just bang into the railing of the drain at the side. Then the metal parts and the license plate all fly out.


But I dont know why Im not scared. Im just like. OMG I actually witness a car accident just 4m in front of me.


Then after that I walked to the car, to see the people in there conscious not. Then a pedestrain push me away. -.-. After a few seconds, all the other near-by people such to the car. I guess Im not needed, so I jsut proceed my way home...

celebrated Pei Hui's bday today. Actually nothing much. Just a simple dinner at New York New York. Not really that nice thou. Met Peihui at Tbp, then we take bus there. Onthe way, she told me what happened yesterday. But I believe she will be able to solve them. I have faith in her. She is clear-headed and can think much better than I do. Seriously, I think whoever marries is very fortunate.


But actually throughout the whole dinner, I wasnt that talkative and bubbly. Dunno why, just no mood. Actually, just the whole day no mood.


Then Doreen noticed that Im depressed. Im glad she noticed. Not wasted for 5 years of friendship. But then I assured that Im alright.


After the thing, went TBP. Had a talk with Piehui. Actually wanted to look for Prince Kent. But he busy with project. So nvm lo.


Though what she said make sense. I dont wanna consult a counseller. If I do, that will be the second time alr. Makes me so useless. Last time I was young, no ability to solve my own prb. Then go and see. SInce I;ve grown up now. I wanna depend on myself. And besides I dont wanna let mama knows. Her heart is getting weak. Actually Im in her place. And a lil shock will be able to send me to my maker. Thats ideal.


But still. Its hard to get over it. Sometime, people are just that unlucky to be in this kind of freakin situation. But thats just the result of making the wrong decision and being too gullible and stupid.


In fact, tears do help. It drains off ur brain energy, so u cant think that much anymore. And makes sleeping much easier. But that whole big can of heneiken doesnt help much. To think that downing that whole damn can can make my brain a lil slower. But its just useless. Still as sober as before.


During the conversation, Peihui told me sometimes its goof to have a wooden-block husband(like my dad) in the future. At least u can assure urself that there a very low possibility that he will have an extra marital affair. Its true. So my mom is one smart lady who made the right decision. Cheers for her.


Journey home was hard. Didnt wanna let Yihao and Winson know whats happening. So I didnt even said goodbye to them at all. Cos I dont wanna let them see my puffy eyes. But I wanna talk to them. Cos haven seen them for so long alr.

Wasnt feeling any better these few days. Kinda busy. Actually, not yet. But planned to study a lil now and then. Cos I will be goin Phuket for open water dive in feb. Then later on will be exams. Not much time to study thou. And also got camp stuff to plan, diving things to settle. Give some time allowance for my emotions to stablize.


Gotta meet up with Prince Kent. I really wanna see him a lot. Right now, Im at home, studying for my Diving Test, which is later, but was bored with it. And I dont really feel like studying for it.


Journey home was really hard just now. Trying to control the tears. And those stupid songs on iPod makes it worse. Recently, my heart has been giving me some prbs. Dont know why at some times of the day will have irregular heartbeat. Actually mostly at night. Ok. Like for eg, now. Maybe goin to be like my mom soon. Or even, THE MOM.


Then Joel told me a few days ago that his dad told him Phuket is goin to be bombed by some terrorists. Dont know true or not. But his dad is like some director of security of some dont know what thing. Whatever. If its true, might as well just bombed me to death. Make things much easier for me. At least I wont have to contemplate bout the future, which should be rather pathetic.


Then a few days ago, my friend told me that she has this pretty aunt who got cheated by her husband. He is those kind that treats the wife really well. He is very smart also. So she thought that he's like the perfect husband material. And she could not believe it at all when she first found out. I think its cos she thought that she was the happiest women on earth, basking in happiness everyday, showered with tons of love by her husband. I feel really sad for her.


Thinking back, such a stupid me might have a future like that. Ok. Just that Im not pretty. Cos its somehow happening to me now already, just that its not a husband. Its a boyfriend. And my life is messed up. Future blemished. And I seriously think that some people are so lucky to have a honest(which I believe is the essence in a r/s), loving, think for her, whatever boyfriend....Actually thou my bro is not really a near-perfect bf(as what I can see), he is honest and he has conscience. I guess theres nothing much more to ask for? Ok. Maybe all that Im goin thru now/ all that I have gone thru is just my retribution.


But sometimes I think I really need to get smarter and not be so soft-hearted anymore. Lest I get cheated in the future, which is higly possible, I guess.


Need to go out earlier to get medicine for Kite. Meeting them tmr to celebrate Pineapple's bday. Look forward to talking to Pineapple, only, in fact. Im not in a mood for happy occasions now.

Met Geok at Vivo, shopped quite a lot, but didnt buy much. Bumped into Linda at Pull & Bear. Then Ernest came to join us. Went Giant to buy juice. He so sweet. Know she malnutrition, then buy the most nutritious kind of fruit juice for her. Take care of her so much. So good. Haiz.


Went to meet GLs with Weng at Somerset. Reached there about 7pm. Went to have dinner at Orchard Hawker, some open space hawker centre. Didnt have dinner anyway, cos I was too full. After that took bus to Clark Quay.


Went Eski Bar, but was so packed, no space, so we moved on to Esplanade. Bumped into Bey and his friends there. Gerard joined them, then dunno go where.


So we walked to Esplanade. Freakin crowded. So many Banglah....Then half-way, the guys said they dont really feel like watching, cos like so crowded, then also very hard to go home later. Then we somehow got seperated from them. Dunno is cos we didnt wait for them or they walkeed too slowly. Anyway, Me, Weng, ,Sharon, Jiahui & JJ went to watch, but was blocked by some stupid trees.


On the way home(which was really hard), a stupid fat old bitch scolded me for pushing her(as if I did). Then had an arguement with her. I lossed. Nvm. Im sure she got pushed by other people even more. So rich, so high-class, then get the govt to open a pathway for u to walk la! Idiot! Bumped into Lilian & CJ also. And also saw some bf protecting gf, dont want them to get touched by people. So sweet.


HAPPY NEW YEAR again everyone, hope u all are happy! Filled with laughters, friends, family, other-half.........