Wasnt feeling any better these few days. Kinda busy. Actually, not yet. But planned to study a lil now and then. Cos I will be goin Phuket for open water dive in feb. Then later on will be exams. Not much time to study thou. And also got camp stuff to plan, diving things to settle. Give some time allowance for my emotions to stablize.


Gotta meet up with Prince Kent. I really wanna see him a lot. Right now, Im at home, studying for my Diving Test, which is later, but was bored with it. And I dont really feel like studying for it.


Journey home was really hard just now. Trying to control the tears. And those stupid songs on iPod makes it worse. Recently, my heart has been giving me some prbs. Dont know why at some times of the day will have irregular heartbeat. Actually mostly at night. Ok. Like for eg, now. Maybe goin to be like my mom soon. Or even, THE MOM.


Then Joel told me a few days ago that his dad told him Phuket is goin to be bombed by some terrorists. Dont know true or not. But his dad is like some director of security of some dont know what thing. Whatever. If its true, might as well just bombed me to death. Make things much easier for me. At least I wont have to contemplate bout the future, which should be rather pathetic.


Then a few days ago, my friend told me that she has this pretty aunt who got cheated by her husband. He is those kind that treats the wife really well. He is very smart also. So she thought that he's like the perfect husband material. And she could not believe it at all when she first found out. I think its cos she thought that she was the happiest women on earth, basking in happiness everyday, showered with tons of love by her husband. I feel really sad for her.


Thinking back, such a stupid me might have a future like that. Ok. Just that Im not pretty. Cos its somehow happening to me now already, just that its not a husband. Its a boyfriend. And my life is messed up. Future blemished. And I seriously think that some people are so lucky to have a honest(which I believe is the essence in a r/s), loving, think for her, whatever boyfriend....Actually thou my bro is not really a near-perfect bf(as what I can see), he is honest and he has conscience. I guess theres nothing much more to ask for? Ok. Maybe all that Im goin thru now/ all that I have gone thru is just my retribution.


But sometimes I think I really need to get smarter and not be so soft-hearted anymore. Lest I get cheated in the future, which is higly possible, I guess.


Need to go out earlier to get medicine for Kite. Meeting them tmr to celebrate Pineapple's bday. Look forward to talking to Pineapple, only, in fact. Im not in a mood for happy occasions now.