I Am Not Emo. Cos CJ Said So

Chong Jun ask me to post this:

CHONG JUN

ur big name here

a river. a razor. a hunger

growing. ending at?

The phone beeps with a warm morning greeting message

Welcomes the brand new day with a trickle of smile

I wrote my half completed resume

Mostly editing from Apple's copy

Took a ride and saw my Angel at the back seat

She is still my Angel after all

Another death in the extended family

Age of 89

He lived a lifetime

Many worried about the days ahead

Im part of the guilty population

But what if tomorrow never comes

What will u do instead

And what will I do

I have a clear idea

top 20 real-life instances

1. i cant write as well as someone else does
2. i spent pretty much of my time indulging in self-pity and wallowing
3. im a hard-core pessimist
4. many things cannot be resolved completely to leave a traceless scar
5. marlboro=man always remember love because of romance only
6. i pray everynight to God that he will rescue me
7. im always looking for signs but chose not to believe in it cos it pains me
8. no one knows whats life all about
9. when im emo i can turn my back on the whole world
10. in every marriage, there is a 50-50 chance of seperation and eternal
11. i think im unwanted
12. in life, u wouldn't know whats the other party thinking bout 100%.
13. im always jaded
14. my mum thinks im pretty and very desirable =/
15. im in no position not to have a comfortable lvl of self-esteem and confidence
16. i have negative lvl of self-esteem lvl
17. i am a 1/5 grade 19 yr old
18. i dont mind meeting my maker now
19. i think im a loser and fking sux big time
20. this is my most honest post so far

Every Closed Door

Where can i go



25/02, mon.

there is only one reason why i love the park so much
i prayed so hard for time to freeze
waiting for u to say ur heartfelt thoughts
why wouldn't u
i dont know whats the situation now
so where do i go

Defiance

wilt



then 4/5
now 1/5
used
situational jailbird
undesirable
fiasco



do with it as You will
i surrender

Blessing

But this is kidding me. And real time madness.

Cheers for Mad Kiddo

You displayed a perfect example of how perseverance and sincerity touches the soul
Yayness to u
Ur one lucky mad kiddo



I am all prepared for the worst
How could this 1/5 expect for anything
Anything near to a 4/5
All I gotta do now
Is to place hopes on other aspects
This happiness that the lucky boy's dwelling in
Is not entitiled to me



You gave it to me
And took it away
Along with so much more
What are the plans You have for me
I want to know
Cos I dont know if this life is worthwhile



Back again
What is life when there are no real connections
Beauty and money can be thrown away
If I have those

Master Plan

truth to be told
not anywhere close to that...


Gu Huo Zai is simply good


great plans after grad
must fulfil it this time round
. back to 4/5
. sef-discipline
. shall no longer thrive on taboos
. exercise
. melrose
. learn cooking
. bake
. take up short course
. save the face
. advance cert
. togetherness with Yam
. dolphin lagoon?
. read a lot
. continue discovering
. find my self-esteem

Fallen

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight





Dun worry. I hardly see people so high up one...
13/02/08
01:15:09




no longer the 4/5 grade
degraded to a 1/5
tried to revert this back
But failing constantly
cos there isint a way to be redeemed
can only pray faithfully that this is pardonable

Love Just

Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all



But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust





DDD kills. Chemistry murders. Bless me!!!!

With You

Cos if i got u
I don't need money
I don't need cars
Girl, you're my all



All i need is 3 pointers to pull me down to earth:
-msgs sent to ying
-u think ur watching movie?
-the cold glare and words at sentosa



snap back to reality and study!

Long Forgotten Angel

maybe this is what u called telepathy
just as what as i thought of ytd before i slp
what she was holding
and there it is
i see her outside Tangs with what she was holding
that, i expected it?
where was the angel with that heart-melting voice
who held my hand while crossing that busy road
who gave me heartfelt comments
i pretend not to see
i wanted to tell her
but i picture myself
i realise im in no position to tell her
environment changes ur habit and behaviour
but what bout the real u?
i know im still the same old me deep down
sometimes i wish it didnt exist at all
then things wouldnt be the way it is now
we could still celebrate this coming occasion tgt
we might even be able to go on a honeymoon after grad
then i met Hao just now
and i broke all rules
but at least i know im not faltering to those



if theres just one thing i could do to save them
i would

Misses

class 95 love songs marvellous
but also emo me to the max
i feel like dying now
dunno why do i still feel so much
for someone who treats me like a fucking dirt
think i really should have met Yihao despite that headache
at least i would feel better now
keep telling myself its over soon
but is it?
this could be worse after graduation
i miss kent so much
how i wish he has time for me

Studies

7 week modules kill people more than anything else
I need to destress
It really makes people break all rules and self-discpline ):
I want to drink and be merry with Bin
I want to relax and chill and break all taboos with YiHao
I dont want to study!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







Just call my name
Let me be an answer
Cause it hurts me to see u this way
I wanna ease ur pain
Help me understand
Let me be ur shelter
My friend

sometimes i wish i could forget what a sweet murder u are
with beautiful memories trailing behind every drop of blood i've shed



"was reading a book and i thought of you when i read this: people need to realize that their heart will recover. They can get over it."


this really cheer me up. thks simone (: